Dark Harvest

Filler bunny floats in a jar sitting in the biology classroom. The class is empty except for the biology teacher, Carol Milican. She grabs the jar containing Filler and moves him from a table to a ledge bellow the window. A dodge ball crashes through the window, smashing the container holding Filler, and decapitating Filler. Carol frowns. Outside, the kids have recess. Some students are passing around the dodge ball. The ball is first passed to Carl. Carl passes it to Flan. Flan passes it to Chunk. Chunk pegs Zootch with the ball. Zootch clutches his chest.

Zootch: Arg! My organs!

Zootch curls up in pain on the ground. Zim laughs maniacally.

Zim: Inferior human organs!

Zim gets pegged with the ball and groans.

Zim: My squeedly spooch!

Nearby, Gaz sits on a cement bench playing her game slave. Dib pops into view.

Dib: Squeedly spooch? Did you hear that, Gaz? That's no human organ! Humans don't have squeedly spooches!

Gaz: I've got a squeedly spooch.

Dib: If only I had some way of looking inside his body.

A van pulls up. A delivery man holding a package and an electronic signature pad walks up.

Delivery man: I'm looking for a Mr. (glances at the signature pad) Dib.

Dib: That's me!

Dib takes the package, sets it next to him, and grabs the electronic signature pad. The delivery man gives him a pen and signs the pad. The delivery man walks away with the pad and pen. Dib opens up the package and looks inside.

Dib: It's my personal x-scope!

Dib puts on the x-scope.

Dib: I ordered it from the back of crop circles magazine!

Gaz: You had it delivered to skool?

Dib looks over to where Zim is standing through the x-scope. The words 'organ I.D.' appear.

Zim: Hey! Throw it over here you filthy stinking friend!

After a flash of light, the x-scope shows an x-ray view of Zim. His organs are not human. The word 'unknown' appears. Dib removes the X-scope. Zim continues shouting 'Hey!' over.

Dib: Incredible! See Gaz? To defeat my enemy, I must study my enemy, then become my enemy, then move in with my enemy, then where my enemy's clothes, then-

Gaz: You're in my light.

Zim: Are you there!?

Cut to Ms. Bitters' class. The words 'Bubonic Plague' are written on the chalk board. Ms. Bitters taps a pointer in her hands.

Ms. Bitters: So you see, ring around the rosy refers to the horrible symptoms of a terrifying disease!

A pigeon gets in to the classroom through an open window. It flies around the students heads.

Ms. Bitters: A disease which-

The pigeon lands on Zim's head and coos. Ms. Bitters clears her throat.

Ms. Bitters: -A disease which... Zim!

Zim: Sir!

Ms Bitters: There's a pigeon on your head! You've got head pigeons! Get to the nurse before they spread to the other children!

Zim: Yes, Ms. Bitters!

Zim walks towards the door.

Ms. Bitters: No leaving the class without a hall pass, Zim!

Zim: Of course.

Zim walks over to Ms. Bitters' desk. She opens a drawer that contains some odds and ends and pulls out a metal ring with two blinking lights.

Ms. Bitters: If you leave skool grounds, it will explode.

She puts the hall pass over Zim's head and it contracts to a smaller size so he won't be able to remove it.

Dib: You know Zim, when the nurse examines you, she'll notice that you don't have human organs. Then its just a short step to a hospital and from there to an alien autopsy table, and then your just another segment on Mysterious Mysteries.

Zim: I'll be fine. I bet my squeedly spooch on it.

Zim walks out of the class. He walks into a curved room with doorways leading to other classrooms lining the wall. Zim approaches a door that says nurse above it and reaches for the handle. He stops and then walks up to a door that says biology above it and peers into the window. Carol uses a pointer to point to organs on a diagram of the human body. Zim glances down at himself. A hall monitor walks up, He has a sash with the words 'hall monitor' written on it, a belt with different tools on it, and a headpiece that extends over his eye with a crosshair.

Hall monitor: Hey, where's your hall pass?

Zim turns around so the hall monitor can see his hall pass.

Zim: Say, you're full of organs aren't you?

Zim: Why yes. Yes I am.

Zim: And you wouldn't notice if you were... say, missing a few?

The hall monitor puts a finger to his lip.

Hall monitor: Probably not.

Zim starts laughing maniacally. The hall monitor starts laughing too. They stop laughing and Zim reaches towards his Irken utility pack. It opens up and Zim pulls out a clear bowl shaped thing attached to a mechanical arm. The hall monitor screams and a flash of light is seen. The hall monitor stumble along, very pale. The camera view zooms up on his belly button, and inside of the hall monitor. The hall pass is inside of him in place of one of his organs. Cut to Ms. Bitters' class.

Ms. Bitters: And then the rats came for them, thousands of them. Dirty, dirty, rats.

Dib sketches a picture of Zim strapped to a table with his innards spewing out of his open chest as a nurse screams. Dib glances over to Zim's seat, which is still empty.

Ms. Bitters: And these weren't the cuddly kind of rats you get in today's sewers.

Dib snaps his pencil in half. Dib raises his hand. Half of the pencil is stuck up his nose.

Dib: Ms. Bitters, I think a pencil is lodged in my brain. Can I go to the nurse?

Ms. Bitters: How far in your brain?

Dib glances down at the pencil.

Dib: Preeetty far.

Ms. Bitters: Alright, take the auxiliary hall pass.

Ms. Bitters motions towards an old radiator with the words 'hall pass' spray painted on it. At the nurse's office, signs point to different wards. There are wards for colds, flu, head wounds, radiation burns, and wedgie burns. Dib, wearing the x-scope over the back of his head, drags the auxiliary hall pass up to the secretary's desk. The secretary is playing with a can that makes a 'moo' sound when it is tilted.

Dib: I'm looking for the pigeon head kid.

Secretary: Nobody's come in with head pigeons, young man.

Dib: Zim? The green kid?

Secretary: Oh, the green child! He's right over there doubled over in pain.

She points to the hall monitor, he is sitting on a bench.

Hall monitor: The cooing! The cooing!

Secretary: He's missing his liver. That's how some kids react to the cafeteria food. The lucky ones.

Dib pulls the x-scope over his eyes. After a flash of light, an x-ray view of the hall monitor is seen. The x-scope zooms in on a certain part of his body, showing the hall pass inside the hall monitor. The word 'hall pass' apears. Dib pulls the x-scope over his head.

Dib: It's Zim! It has to be! He's stealing organs and replacing them with... stuff! He must be stopped!

Secretary: Don't forget your hall pass!

Dib: Right.

Dib pushes the hall pass along. Above the secretary's head, screws pop out of a ventilation shaft grill. Zim, who is in the ventilation shaft, remove the grill. He lowers the clear bowl looking thing over the secretary's head. Electricity goes into her head and her brain appears inside the bowl thing. She drops the moo can she was holding. The bowl thing rises and then lowers with a can of 'poop' brand soda in place of the brain. More electricity goes through the secretary's head and the poop soda disappears as it is now in the secretary's head where her brain was. The secretary's phone rings. She picks it up and opens her mouth to speak but only soda fizz pours out. Dib drags the hall pass down the hall towards his class.

Dib: Must... warn... others...

Dib suddenly stops as he hears the sound of cooing from Zim's head pigeon.

Dib: Zim? Zim? Do not show fear. This is my without fear... and a 62 pound hall pass. 

 

Zim removes the grill on the ventilation shaft right above Dib's head. He lowers the bowl thing right over Dib. The bell rings and the door opens, knocking Dib out of the way. Students walk into the hallway. Dib reaches for them from his spot on the floor.

Dib: Hey! Wait! Your organs... in danger!

Dib gets up just as the sound of the bowl thing sucking out an organ is heard. The students all walk away except for Spoo, who has the auxiliary hall pass jammed in him.

Spoo: I don't feel so good.

Spoo falls to the ground.

Dib: The hall pass!

Dib walks into the cafeteria where all the students seem to be missing an organ. Two students, Rob and someone else, walk into each other and drop their food on the ground. One of them has something bulging from their chest.

Dib: Look at them. And it's not even ketchup and rice day!

Dib motions to a board that says 'today's meal' with a sheet that says 'mayonnaise and corn' pinned to it. Dib looks over to a table and sees Gaz bent over.

Dib: Gaz!

Dib runs over to the table and sees Gaz poking herself near her stomach. A light glows from her in that area.

Gaz: Don't bother me, Dib. I'm in the zone.

Dib pulls out his x-scope and puts it on. After a flash of light, he sees an x-ray view of Gaz. Where she was poking herself, her game slave was placed inside her. The words 'game slave' appear. Dib gasps. He looks over to where Melvin, Gretchen, and Tae sit at a table. After a flash, they are seen in x-ray vision. The x-scope zooms in on Tae, and shows that a ruler has been placed inside him in place of one of his organs. The word 'ruler' appears. The x-scope zooms in on Gretchen and shows that a remote control has been placed inside her in place of one of her organs. The words 'remote control' appear. The x-scope zooms in on Melvin and shows that an alarm clock has been placed in place of one of his organs. Thee words 'alarm clock' appear. Zim turns to where Penny and Carl sit at a table. After a flash of light, they are seen in x-ray vision. The x-scope zooms in on Carl, who has a carton of milk in place of one of his organs. the word 'milk' appears. The x-scope zooms in on Penny, who has a live cat placed in her in place of one of her organs. The word 'cat' appears. The cat meows. Dib turns his head and through the x-scope he sees a mass of organs. The x-scope lists them off. Dib pulls off the x-scope and gasps, seeing that it is Zim. Zim is stuffed to the point of being bloated, full of human organs. He still has the pigeon on his head. His obese body bends the bench he is sitting on.

Dib: That's it, Zim! This has to stop!

Zim: I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.

Dib: Look at you! You've gone too far! You're a hideous blob of stolen organs!

Zim: I've been working out.

An intestine pops out of Zim's mouth and spreads out along the floor. Zim gags. He slurps the intestine back into his mouth and grins.

Dib: You think you can fool a trained medical professional?

Zim: Yes.

Dib: I suppose you've got a heart in there.

Zim: 6 of them.

Dib: Intestine?

Zim: Large or small?

Dib: Spleen?

Zim: In 3 different colors.

Dib: What about lungs?

Zim almost says something, but stops. He puts a finger to his chin. Then the arachnid robot legs unfold from his backpack and lift him up into the ventilation shaft.

Dib: You won't find lungs on my watch, Zim!

Dib walks over to a table where Torque Smacky sits. Torque Smacky eats quickly and lifts weights at the same time.

Dib: You! You look like you still have all your organs!

Torque feels his chest.

Torque Smacky: Yeah, so?

Dib: You're in danger! Come with me!

Torque sighs.

Torque Smacky: I have to go lift things.

Dib: Um, then I'll come with you!

Torque lowers his eyebrows. Cut to the hall ways, where Torque lifts weights as he walks. Dib walks around him.

Dib: And he wants to destroy us all. Now I know you think I'm crazy, but you'll thank me. You'll all thank me!

Matthew P. Mathers III and Carl walk down the hallway, supporting each other. Dib runs to catch up with Torque.

Dib: Aliens are kind of a hobby of mine Well, more of a way of life really.

Torque Smacky: Man, you're creepin' me out.

A grill on the ventilation shaft is pulled off by an arachnid robot arm from Zim's utility pack as cooing from the head pigeon is heard.

Dib: I have vague memories of being taken on board of an alien ship as a baby.

An arachnid robot arm from Zim's utility pack wraps around Torque and pulls him back. Dib doesn't notice and keeps walking.

Dib: And I'm not sure but I think they were doing tests on me. Trying to create some sort of genius super baby, perhaps.

Dib stops and groans as he sees a flash of light come from a classroom. He runs into the classroom.

Dib: Torque? Torque Smacky, is that you?

Dib flips the light switch and a dull light goes on. He walks through what appears to be the back of the biology class. He walks by tubes containing strange things. He walks up to a display skeleton.

Dib: Come on, man! Talk to me! Let me know you're still here!

Dib walks by some more oddities and then reaches an x-ray that has been left on. As he walks by it, an x-ray view of him is seen. The camera view zooms up on the x-ray and then we see bloated Zim with head pigeon lower down from the ceiling from x-ray view, showing all the organs stuffed inside him. The mechanical spider arms curl under him and spring out, launching him out of sight. Dib walks further into the biology class when Torque's weight crashes to the floor. Dib turns around and gasps. He gasps again as he sees the ventilation shaft is open.

Dib: Torque Smacky!!!!

Zim's mechanical spider arm flips the light switch off. The cooing of the pigeon is heard. Dib's eyes widen. He sees a stuffed Wooly Mammoth. He looks at some stuffed birds.

Dib: Noooo!!!

Dib backs up into some barrels of toxic waste. He knocks them over. he backs up into the shelf where the stuffed birds are and knocks down some feathers. He trips over a file of paperwork. He scrambles for the exit. Behind him, Zim can be seen in the doorway. The door closes and opens again but Zim is gone now. As Dib runs down the hallway, ceiling tiles fall above him. Dib reaches a dead end, turn around, and slides under a rail. He can hear the head pigeon cooing within the pipes. Feathers pour out of one of the grates. Dib covers his ears and then goes into the boiler room. He runs down a spiral staircase. He runs along a grated cat walk. Zim lowers himself in front of Dib through the steam.

Dib: Noooooo!!!!

Zim grins as the mechanical arm attached to the bowl thing moves over to where Dib is. A flash of light is seen. Cut to the nurse's office, where Zim and Dib sit next to each other on chairs, both with thermometers in their mouths. Zim is still fat and has the head pigeon. Dib moos, revealing that the moo can is inside of him.

Ms. Bitters: That one has head pigeons. The other one is just annoying. Fix it!

The secretary opens her mouth and soda fizz pours out.

Dib: Your stupid plan won't work, Zim! (moo) You'll never pull this off! (moo)

Zim: You speak craziness, Earth boy! More organs means more human! It will work!

The nurse walks up to Zim. She pushes the head pigeon off his head with her hand and it flies away. She also takes the thermometer out of his mouth.

Nurse: There!

The nurse examines the thermometer.

Nurse: Why you're one of the healthiest little children I've ever seen! And such plentiful organs!

Zim grins. The nurse walks up to Dib.

Nurse: And what's the matter with you, young man?

The nurse removes the thermometer from Dib's mouth. She opens Dib's mouth and yanks on his tongue. Then she holds a stethoscope up to his chest. She hears the sound of the moo can. Her eyes widen and she screams.

Nurse: It isn't human! It's horrible!

Dib points to Zim.

Dib: But he-

The press enters and shoves cameras and microphones into Dib's face. The cameras flash. A newspaper whirls into view with the headline 'Hideous Mooing Cyborg Boy Found!' A picture of Dib with a cow face is shown on the paper.