Hamstergeddon

A bell rings in the skool. Ms. Bitters walks to the back of the classroom where a beeping device sits on a table. The students look back from their desks at the device. A digital clock on the device counts down. The students get out of their desks and gasp. Sara makes a little frightened moan. Smeedge squeaks. Ms. Bitters lifts up a finger. Spoo hides behind his desk. Ms. Bitters places her finger on a button and presses it. The digital clock goes to '00:00' and the machine beeps faster. Several compression chambers release on the device, letting steam escape. With a small explosion, parts of the device fly in several direction into the walls. One piece almost hits The Letter M. Where the device was, there is now a small cloud of smoke. The smoke clears revealing a hamster cage with Peepi the hamster inside. Peepi eats a hamster pellet. The children brighten up immediately. They rush to the hamster cage.

Ms. Bitters: By order of the skool board's program to reduce misery among skool children, this class is issued one classroom pet, hamster class. Name: Peepi.

Zita (in chipmunk voice): Oh, Peepi, so cute!

Chunk: Look at his little Peepi face!

Melvin: He's like a little fuzzy Peepi person!

Tae rubs his tongue against the glass of the cage while mumbling in baby talk. Peepi grooms himself.

Class: Awwww!!!

Peepi walks over to where Zim is watching. Zim screams and runs away but stops when he almost runs into Dib.

Dib: Do I even have to say anything at this point?

Zim: If you are referring to my reaction to that hair.... monster, I can assure you that like the other normal children I find it... eh...

Dib: Cute. The word is cute. Humans think hamsters are cute.

Zim: Yesss... This cuteness has a curious effect on human beings. Makes them.. weak.

Zim imagines himself, out of disguise, riding a dinosaur sized Peepi. Peepi growls like a monster. A crowd of people gather around.

Zim: People of Earth! Can you resist the hypnotic power of Peepi? Now, kneel before Zim!

The rows of people go to their knees. They bow while chanting 'Peepi' over and over again.

Zim: Have some of this!

Peepi breathes fire on the crowd. The daydream ends. Peepi runs on his wheel. He stops running but the wheel keeps spinning, spinning Peepi around.

Ms. Bitters: Take a good look, children. It will prepare you for your adult lives in our nightmarish corporate system.

Zim: Hmmm, yes... It just might work.

Dib: Hmmm?

Cut to Peepi sleeping in his wheel as it is now night. The skool is empty. Outside the window, Zim's Voot Cruiser is parked. The door opens up and Zim walks in, out of disguise. Peepi shivers with fright as Zim extends an arm and grabs the hamster. Cut to the skool the next morning. Aki sits on her head upside down on a chair at the front of the class next to Ms. Bitters. Aki is sweating and groaning. Ms. Bitters holds a stop watch.

Ms. Bitters: Minute twenty six. If you're determined to let the blood rush to your head, heh, you better have trained for it.

Dib: Ms. Bitters, have you noticed anything strange about the hamster?

At the back of the class, Peepi has grown so large that he can barely fit in his cage. Some kind of device is attached to his back with tubes going into his neck. The device has a blinking red light on it.

Dib: He's three times his size and he has that hideous throbbing alien device on his back!

Peepi peeks his head over his cage and burps. Zim presses some buttons on a device on his wrist. Zim talks into the device.

Zim: The Earth boy is trying to interfere. Now is the time to use the Peepi creature's cuteness to divert attention.

Zim is about to hit a button on the wrist device but then a crash distracts him and the other students. Peepi's hamster cage is empty and there is a whole going through it all the way to the floor. Student's desks are pulled under the ground. First Penny is sucked under, then the Letter M, then Alex, then Rob. They scream as they get sucked under.

Zim: This is a little ahead of schedule.

Zim walks over to the window where a large hole is now visible. Zim crawls through the hole. The students look out from the window. Peepi runs across the skool yard over to the fence. Peepi eats through the fence then squeals as he becomes larger. Now he walks on two legs instead of four. Peepi walks across the street. Zim goes to where Peepi ate through the fence and watches from there.

Zim: Yes, my creation! Grow! Grow!

A light post crashes down and Peepi grows even larger. He breaks through a building.

Zim: Now, Peepi! Come to your master! Peepi? Peepi, obey me! Peepi!

At a nuclear power plant atop a hill, Peepi bursts out, now Godzilla sized, and with spins on his back. Dib walks up to Zim.

Dib: Anything you'd like to confess?

Zim: No, don't be silly.

People scream and scatter as Peepi rampages. One of Peepi's feet is mechanical. A news broadcast shows the words 'WHUH 6 Breaking News- Live "Ultra-Peepi."

Reporter: Experts are still baffled over the origins of Ultra-Peepi, the giant mutant hamster now ravaging the city. But they all agree, he's just fuzzy wuzzy adorable, isn't he? He sure is!

The reporter screams as Ultra-Peepi steps on the news studio with his mechanical foot. Ultra-Peepi growls and then pics up a skool bus. He starts eating the skool bus. He leans over to a building with a tower sticking out of it. He rubs his buck teeth against the tower as if it were a tooth pick. One lady stops running and screaming to watch.

Lady: Oh, look! He's using the building like a tooth pick!

Ultra-Peepi drops the bud he is holding and grabs the tower, prying some debris out of his teeth. The bus falls on top of the lady. Jets fly towards Ultra-Peepi. Ultra-Peepi crouches down on all fours and launches his mechanical foot at the jets, knocking them out of the sky.

Zim: Come here! You must obey me! I am your lord and hamster master!

Zim walks into the street where people run around in every direction, screaming.

Zim: No! No, don't fear the Peepi, fear me! Fear me!

Zim looks around. He sees a piece of ruble fall from a wrecked building. He sees a jet smashed into the ground. He sees some overturned flaming cars.

Zim: Well, he does seem to be destroying the humans, and that is good. Uh, good job, Peepi! I'll just wait until you are all done here. Carry on!

Frank Conniff: Help! Help!

Frank stops to look up at Ultra-Peepi, who has his non-mechanical foot lifted up and his wiggling his toes.

Frank Conniff: Aw, look at his little feet!

Frank stops to look up at Ultra-Peepi, who has his non-mechanical foot lifted up and his wiggling his toes. Frank screams as Ultra-Peepi smashes his foot down on him. A military tent is set-up on the edge of the city. Inside, some soldiers are gathered next to a model of the town along with a model of Peepi.

General: I don't care what the blazes it wants, I just want it stopped.

Colonial: But General, I couldn't fire a missile at that fooby little face. Could you?

The soldiers shake their heads and say 'no.' Dib pushes his way through.

Dib: Wait! I have important information about Ultra-Peepi! You have to listen!

The soldiers pull back on Dib's shoulders.

General: Now let- let the boy talk.

Dib: He's not a normal hamster! He's been altered somehow through alien tampering!

The Colonial walks over to a soldier at the radio. The soldier at the radio nods his head.

Dib: Eating makes him larger! The more he eats, the bigger he gets!

General: Good work boy! How do we stop him?

Dib: I... don't... know!

General: Get him outta here!

The soldiers grab Dib and pull him to the ground, then start punching him.

Dib: Hey!

Dib screams.

Colonial: General! We think we know where he's going!

Cut to Zim's house. GIR sits on the couch looking very relaxed, out of disguise. He watches the Angry Monkey Show. Zim walks over, out of disguise, holding an Irken version of the candy Lik-a-maid sticks. Zim sits down next to GIR. The both grab a stick and put it in their mouths.

Zim: Whaddya watching?

GIR: Angry monkey.

Zim: That horrible monkey!

GIR: Mmmm hmmm. Where's Ultra-Peepi?

Zim: He's working.

The TV changes from the Angry Monkey Show to a 'Special news 6 bulletin.'

Reporter #2: Reports are now in that Ultra-Peepi is heading for the city's pellet plant. If he reaches a reserve supply of hamster pellets, he could grow to unimaginable proportions.

Zim hears a pounding.

Zim: What is that noise?

Zim walks out of his house and looks around. He gasps as the ground shakes, causing the blow fish lawn ornamints to shake around. He sees Ultra-Peepi walking towards his house.

Zim: No! You will not destroy your master's secret base! I command you to stop! Obey your creator!

Ultra-Peepi growls. Zim runs into the house. The roof opens up and Zim flies the Voot Cruiser out, hovering right in front of Ultra-Peepi. Zim is still out of disguise.

Zim: You made me do do this, Peepi! I hate to be the bad guy, but you must be disciplined, or you'll never learn!

Zim flies the Voot Cruiser around Ultra-Peepi. Ultra-Peepi growls and swings its claw at the Voot Cruiser. The Voot Cruiser flies above Ultra-Peepi. The monitor inside the Voot Cruiser displays Ultra-Peepi. A targeting system locks onto him. The two laser cannons on the front of the Voot Cruiser light up. the Voot Cruiser speeds towards Ultra-Peepi and then shoots a ball of energy from each laser cannon. The balls explode on Ultra-Peepi, who growls. The Voot Cruiser then veers away and circles back, hovering in front of Ultra-Peepi. On the sidewalk bellow, Dib walks up.

Zim: Hey Peepi, check this out!

The Voot Cruiser fires another shot and then veers away.

Dib: Never thought I'd see that.

Ultra-Peepi growls and steps on a house. The Voot Cruiser charges him and fires another blast. The Voot Cruiser flies above Ultra-Peepi.

Zim: Peepi, turn back now! Do not invoke the wrath of the Irken elite!

The Voot Cruiser charges Ultra-Peepi. Ultra-Peepi breathes nuclear Godzilla-type breath at the Voot Cruiser, sending it off course as Zim wails. The Voot Cruiser skids along the roofs of some buildings and goes through a house until it finally crashes. Zim lays unconscious and out of disguise next to the Voot Cruiser which has a large hole in the windshield. Dib walks up.

Dib: He's unconscious!

Dib turns his back to Zim.

Dib: Wait, if I capture him now, no one will be able to stop the hamster! But if I let him go to fight Peepi, he's just gonna keep on trying to destroy mankind! This stinks. Okay-

In the background, Zim lifts his head.

Dib: -So if I save Zim, then he'll move on to destroy mankind and upset the balance of the entire Earth-

A mechanical arm with a communicator attached to it extends from Zim's backpack.

Zim: GIR, come get me.

GIR: Yes my lord!

GIR groans. Zim's communicator retracts.

Dib: -which is why I've been waiting to finally capture him and prove- But if the hamster goes on to save mankind... wait, wait, wait, no, that's not right.

GIR (in disguise) zooms up with his jets and stops right next to Zim, hovering in front of him. Zim hops on his back and they fly away.

Dib: The hamster doesn't- wait, Zim! Promise me you're on our side this time!

Zim circles back around and hovers in front of Dib.

Zim: I know not of sides, Earth stink, but just this once I agree with you. The hamster must be stopped.

Dib: Noooooooo! Oh wait, yeah. Go on then.

Zim zooms off. Ultra-Peepi lumbers through the city towards the Pellet Plant, where a bunch of tanks wait in front of it. As Peepi walks through the city, jazzy music plays.

Deep voice: Yeeeeeah.

High pitched voice: Oh yeaaaah!

Deep voice: Ultra-Peepi!

The jazzy music stops as Ultra-Peepi approaches the tanks.

Soldier: Ready unit seven, fire on my mark. Three... two... Oh, just look at him!

Ultra-Peepi steps on the soldier's tank. Ultra-Peepi turns his head as he hears Zim's voice projected like a magaphone.

Zim: Peepi, Peepi!

Zim's Voot Cruiser hovers a little ways away from Ultra-Peepi. Underneath the Voot Cruiser, a large fake hotdog from a hotdog shop hangs bellow, connected by a tractor beam. The Voot Cruiser itself is slightly modified from its usual look.

Zim: The weenie tempts you!

Ultra-Peepi charges the hotdog, snarling. Zim screams. He flies the Voot Cruiser passed Ultra-Peepi. Ultra-Peepi swings his arm at the hotdog as the Voot Cruiser flies by. Ultra-Peepi misses and the Voot Cruiser continues along above the tanks. The soldier who was in the tank that got stepped on pops his head up from his wrecked tank and sees the Voot Cruiser fly by with the giant fake hotdog underneath it.

Soldier: Now we're being attacked by giant weenies. Get the weenie!!! Get it!!!

The tanks fire at the Voot Cruiser but miss. Later, at a fair, the Voot Cruiser hovers behind the Ferris wheel where the giant fake hotdog now rests as bait. The Voot Cruiser launches 2 large metal disks which puff out into balls as they fall to the ground. They roll over to the Ferris wheel and use mechanical arms to latch onto the Ferris wheel and lift them above the ground. Jets emerge from the balls, ready to ignite. Ultra-Peepi walks towards the Ferris wheel.

Zim: Yes, Ultra-Peepi, yes! Obey!

Ultra-Peepi walks through a roller coaster.

Zim: Yes, yes, yes!

Ultra-Peepi makes it to the Ferris wheel and starts eating it.

Zim: No! Bad Peepi! Don't eat the wheel! Huh?

The tanks pull up. The soldier who got stepped on is in a new tank.

Soldier: Okay, let's try and go with the hamster this time, we gotta use this stuff on somethin'!

Dib: Don't attack! The alien is trying to get rid of the hamster! Don't interrupt his plans!

Soldier: The boy's crazy. Put him in one of them crazy buckets!

Some soldiers run up to Dib and place him in a metal container that covers all but his head. The tanks fire at Ultra-Peepi, who is holding the Ferris wheel under his arm. Zim presses a button on his control panel in the Voot Cruiser. Ultra-Peepi swings his arms around as the tanks fire and lets go of the Ferris wheel. The thrusters on the metal balls that were attached to the Ferris wheels ignite and send the Ferris wheel into the sky. Zim growls.

Zim: No time to spare! Fine, Ultra-Peepi! You had this coming!

The Voot Cruiser uses fancy maneuvering and deploys the last two disks next to Ultra-Peepi. The swell out into balls and then land on Ultra-Peepi's neck. Mechanical arms extend from them and tie around Ultra-Peepi. the thrusters activate and Ultra-Peepi is launched into the air. The general watches along with some children. Dib hops over inside his crazy bucket and Zim walks up, in disguise and straightening his wig, next to a sniveling child.

Sniveling child: Why?

A tear drips from his eye.

Dib: Why? Because aliens tampering with our life forms is dangerous, and ends in pain-

Dib wails as Zim shoves his out of the way.

Zim: Because when you create a giant monster of doom, no matter how cute, you have to... you have to... I dunno.

The child snivels some more.

Zim: But stop sniveling, little worm monkey. Ultra-Peepi will live on... out there... in the stars.

In the background, Ultra-Peepi crashes back to Earth. An image of some of the people who were hurt or killed by Ultra-Peepi hugging a man-sized version of Ultra-Peepi appears with the words 'No animated characters were harmed in the filming of this production.'